I have a difficult task tonight
It won’t be easy to get right
Tonight I have to talk to you
Not about one birthday boy, but two
Following in a great tradition
These two have formed a coalition
Pedro Lewis and Big Stu
United to put on a bit of a do
Achieving consensus was no mean feat
There was less disagreement in Downing Street
But there’s real unity now, it is no sham
Our own TweedleCleg and TweedleCam
Ped and Stu have been friends for years
They’ve shared good times and downed some beers
Could they know their friendship would survive
‘Till young Pedro reached fifty-five?
My how fast those years did go
Now Big Stu hits the big Six-O
Wither those young and feisty men
Who got together way back then?
In Rotherhithe, where they formed the hub
Of the South Dock Yacht Club
Pedro knew his place for sure
Coz Big Stu was the Commodore
Of an elite club, he was the boss
With members such as….Martin Ross?
Their clubhouse was as smart as can be
On the good ship Wibbly Wobbely
They sure knew how to have some fun
Long days drinking in the sun
Or sailing in a happy fleet
Or partying, where they would meet
Great friends, and I have to say
Many of them are here today
And some of course are absent friends
The memory of whom never ends
Yes these two, they have no airs and graces
They’ve been through crazy dinghy races
And sailed their yachts with all their might
In the Salmon Leap and the Frostbite
There’s a healthy does of rivalry
Between them both, as you can see
And sometimes, ‘specially late at night
To each other they’re not always polite
Though together they often like to dine
And quaff a generous slug of wine
They’ll frequently have a little tiff
And at each other both will sniff
But once there is more wine to sup
They will just kiss and make it up
‘Till the next time Pedro does berate
His poor, defenceless, little mate
As the years have passed, their tastes have changed
Pedro’s life is now arranged
Around the ever-lovely Sarah
Who, it has to be said, is somewhat fairer
Than Stu, when all’s said and done
Then there’s Tom, Pedro’s dear surrogate son
Ped’s weekends can be quite exciting
He’s turned from sailing to land-yacht kiting
For holidays, he loves to pamper
Sarah, by taking her in his camper
I’m not talking Winnebago here
No an old VW he holds dear
So that Sarah and he will not feel loners
He’s joined the VW camper owners’
Club, here’s something you may not know
Young Pedro really likes to row
And every year he sets the pace
On the Thames in the Great River Race
Co-opting in a willing crew
But for some reason, ‘not Big Stu!
Rumours that Pedro is now posh
He’ll surely find difficult to quash
The chattering classes are all a-chatter
About his appearances at Henley regatta
In blazer and boater, one of the toffs
At we poorer mortals he simply scoffs
Meanwhile, much to his chagrin
Stuart’s one-time cunning plan
To sell his boat and move ashore
And venture out to sea no more
Came badly unstuck four years ago
When his old mates, Martin and Jo
Bought Magnum, and started to race
Stuart thought it a disgrace
That in his old and fragile state
He was asked to navigate
“I don’t do cold, I don’t do rain!”
Poor Stuart’s protests were in vain
Come rain or shine we’ve dragged him out
He’s one of Magnum’s most devout
And loyal crew and I’m not joking
He recently had such a soaking
The rain came down at such a pelt
That even Big Stu began to melt
For a man, who I must confess
Could bankrupt the NHS
With the amount of medical intervention
And tests too intimate here to mention
With which he seems to fill his time
He gets on with it and does just fine
By now I think you’ll plainly see
That Ped and Stu have some history
Like Batman and Robin, Morecombe and Wise
Laurel and Hardy and all that implies
About each other, deep down they care
And there are lots of friends they share
Hence why they’ve shared this do tonight
It’s not because they were too tight
To have two parties, no siree
They simply wanted to share my fee!
So to our two dear good friends
We hope your friendship never ends
And remains forever well intact
You are the perfect double act
Happy 55th Ped and 60th Stu
We hope we’ll be here to share with you
And have a drink and a bit of a jive
When Stu hits 100 and Ped’s 95!
©Joanne Ross
March 2010
