I have to admit I was feeling ratty. We had a fairly quiet weekend, during which I did feel a bit tired, but then the less you do, the more likely you are to feel lethargic, regardless of whether you happen to be undergoing treatment for breast cancer or not.
On Saturday, Martin decided to go out to work for a few hours. This left me deciding what I wanted to do with my day. I considered going to the cinema to see The Artist, but the first showing of it at our local cinema wasn’t till 3.30. I’ll pop out for a walk down to Canary Wharf, I thought, but that really didn’t inspire me. I suddenly realised that I didn’t actually want to do anything. Sometimes it’s hard for me to admit that, but I opted for sitting down and watching a couple of TV programmes that I’d recorded.
It was a good decision. Nothing wrong with curling up in front of the TV occasionally. As I’ve said before, it is still February, and that always has an effect on my mood and energy levels. I remember many a year where I’ve wandered round the vitamins and supplements section in Boots looking for something that promised an energy boost. Considering I’m over half way through chemo this year I’m probably less tired than I’ve been on those occasions.
Friends Sue and Tommy were due back from their month-long holiday on Saturday and early afternoon they called to say they’d be popping over to Canary Wharf and did we want to meet up? That was just what I needed. I could enjoy the rest of my afternoon chill out with a little sortie to look forward to. As it turned out, Martin was finished by about 4.30 and we popped down to the Grapes. Sue and Tommy abandoned their shopping plans and came to join us and we all opted for an early meal in the local Italian, La Figa. We had a very pleasant few hours but it was uncharacteristic for all of us to be pleased to part and head home at just 8.30 on a Saturday night!
The sun made a welcome appearance on Sunday and we decided to venture out for a walk. Once again, I was not feeling 100 per cent at the start of the walk but the air and the exercise always make things better. We walked through Wapping and St Katharine Docks and then over Tower Bridge to Shad Thames, a good 50-minute walk. The breeze was a bit keen and I warmed up with a cappuccino in All Bar One on the river. The walk back was broken by a visit to Waitrose and a drink in the Captain Kidd. We were home by 4 and had a pleasantly quiet evening.
Bloated
Monday morning I was still feeling what I can only describe as ratty. The French have a good expression for it, which literally.translates as “I don’t feel good in my skin”. If I’m honest, I think it was mainly because I was feeling bloated. As someone who has always had to fight to keep my weight down, I’m still very affected by feeling that it might be creeping up.
That gives me an interesting dilemma at the moment. I remember getting on the scales not long after I started chemo and thinking that I had lost a couple of pounds. For the first time in my life I was suddenly worried about losing rather than gaining weight! While I was on the first lot of drugs, AC, I seemed to need to eat more to keep my energy up and seemed to be able to eat what I liked without affecting my weight. Martin commented that he’d never seen me with such a good appetite. I loved it. I was really enjoying my food, feeling that I really needed it to keep me healthy.
It’s incredible how quickly that feeling can change. I think it must have been when they weighed me before chemo on Tuesday. Of course I might have been wearing heavier clothes and everyone fluctuates slightly, but I think my weight was up about half a kilo. Yes, I know in old money we”re talking about a pound or so, but it was enough to pull me up and make me think I still had to be a bit careful. The steroid anti-sickness drugs I take for three days after treatment do seem to make me feel bloated, and this time I could have experienced stomach cramps, so bloating ought to have been the least of my problems. But it just added to be feeling not quite right “in my skin”.
I could probably have knocked it on the head on Monday by going to the gym, but my dad goes to art on Mondays and I wanted to take this rare opportunity to spend lunchtime with my mum. It’s not going to be possible once I’m back in the office so I just have to make the most of it while I’m working from home. In the middle of the day it takes no more than 15 minutes to drive over there. I knew she’d be keen to get out and that the dangerously local Westfield shopping centre was beckoning.
The ratty me was perhaps not the best companion, but mum did her bet not to notice. In truth, we didn’t really have anything to get, but we managed to manufacture a reason to be there. A coffee and a light lunch were in order and revived me. Weight concerns or not I still needed food. It was a pleasant interlude and as I said, a privilege to be able to spend quality time with elderly parents.
By the time I got home I was in a better mood and ready to get down to writing up my story for work.
On Tuesday there was only one thing for it, a good session at the gym, and it could not have come soon enough. I woke early and set about making an online application for a Criminal Records Bureau check for Martin, who has to complete one as part of re-applying for his taxi licence.
Tedious
As is my wont these days, I sat on my bed with my iPad and went through the tedious and lengthy process of the application, leaping up and down to find the documents — passport, driver’s licence, letter from a government department or utility bill — required. I got all the way to the end without disaster, until I was presented with a screen containing a letter complete with barcodes. Please print this out and take it to the Post Office to get your documents verified, it said. But I’m on my iPad, and as far as I know, I can’t print from the iPad. I panicked, and my sister chose just that moment to phone me!!
She’s not the most technologically friendly person and she doesn’t have an iPad but she thought she was being helpful by suggesting I might be able to save the form for later. Sadly, she took the brunt of Mrs Ratty”s rattiness. And luckily, friend John, aka tech support, was on hand to save the day. Take a screen shot of the letter and email it to yourself. Simple when you know how!
Knowing that I needed a serious dose of gym I’d decided to do the 30 minute abs class followed by Pilates. I knew the abs class was a tough one and I had some doubts as to whether I was up to it. Well, I’d give it a go. I could always stop, I have a pretty valid excuse!
The first five minutes, where he had us doing planks and press-ups in quick succession were excruciating. I even thought about stopping at one point and just waiting for Pilates. But for a start, it got a bit easier for a while and also, I looked around the room and realised that almost all of the men and women in the class were suffering too. Ten minutes in I was puffing away and feeling better than I had for a week! The class finished as it had started, with more of the really tough exercises, but I coped. Pilates was a welcome relief. Tough, but in a different way.
By the end of it all, Mrs Ratty had finally been banished. I just cannot stress enough how much better you feel when you make the effort to do some exercise. Chemo or no chemo we all have to push ourselves sometimes, but I can’t ever remember a time when I’ve regretted having been to the gym. So today, power yoga here I come! I feel good in my skin again. Thank goodness for the gym!
